with data i can't delete

i can see the look in their eyes saying "temporary."
But i can't say anything to them. The same thing i imagined
i would have wanted to be told then
exactly what i would have ignored.
that blinding flash and the light blindness that takes so long to fade out.

only when it has faded out do i recognize the pattern
and of course it's way too late.

She looks at him with subdued fire in her eyes
careful and somewhat guarded, arms not protecting her chest.
appearing to be free and willing to try it all.

I've heard it said that one should
"never regret anything, for at one time it was exactly what you wanted."
and i suppose i don't, but i'm so nostalgic that i can't let anything go.
everything that was lost, the roads not taken, the roses not smelled along the way.

Everytime i see someone remotely resembling her i spiral
contortion too fast to lock mine eyes on anything.

i catch glimpse of the couple and they are outlined in fire
they are burning blue-white hot and i sense the fire will burn out soon.
i fear for them, pity them, envy them.
their infatuation won't last, that's how it goes
they will stray and forget to forgive

he will long for her for years and remember the littles things
she couldn't possibly recount
the passing glances, the near-silent murmer she makes asleep after sex
the glassy look of her eyes after drinks.

Hey! Don't put any hard work into it that you want a return on.
this is fleeting, this is temporal, this is not built to last.
if you open up too far, that door will never fully close.
and it will hurt
and it will haunt
and it will never let you sleep soundly.

i see her face and hear her voice in my dreams
and it's been longer without than it ever was with
last night her sister told me that she never liked me either.
it was a dream, it lasted but a second, and my day is ruined
the cloudy shitty weather is so bright
its time to find a stone to take comfort under

its crushing, its caving in
its never ending

its heavy, its so heavy
its never ending.

if it was only her, i know
it'd be almost bearable
but her and all the others.

its her and it is all the others.

this memory capacity i try to grow
fills up with data i can't delete