too late for that

everything broke down that night

you left me in the park

chained up to the post while the seasons changed

thick snow piled high around my thinning frame.

this stake is driven deep into the soil

and cannot be removed

pulling muscles pulling thin

splitting skin and flowing blood

its late december and i am scared at night

no one visits no one even tries

only those that have to come visit in a professional manner

you left me.

you left me in the cold

you took all we were and threw it away

you threw me away like so much refuse.

easy as you like.

as the last weeks approach i resolve to remember

as the light fades i resolve not to forgive

where i once forgave you for your capriciousness

i condemn you for your callousness.

you left me. you won't see me again until i go into the ground.

by then its too late to tell you and to hear the excuses i no can no longer accept.

good bye.

live with your regrets

and eventually stop visiting my stone.

Unnumbered III

numerous birds of prey

diving, driving, speeding, hungry

hooked beaks reeking of blood

hunting prey with flawless eyesight

and awesome precision.

the accuracy, the precision, the precession, the kill

tearing limb from limb, tearing life out

leaving husks, leaving hulks

black-tipped, red-winged, blue eyed slits

faster than i can run, before i can think

i am in clutches of scissored hands

i can feel the material se per atin g

the pu ll in g a pa rt and the 

dr

    a

      i

        n

          in

               g

they came for everything

they came for everything

one day it all went away

i'm still looking for my pride.

one day out in the fields

a man who broke his back

carrying the weight of another

said he'd had enough.

the same day

another man who laid on his back

living on the fruits of others' labor

decided he wanted more.

those who expect everything

from those who already have nothing

and who work for a debt they can't pay

find new ways of squeezing blood from stones.

a business exists to make more money

than it spends.

Sinead O'Connor: The Last day of our Acquaintance

Sinead O'Connor performing "The Last day of our Acquaintance" live.

The source for this video flashes a message from "Michelle;" i suppose she has a connection to the song...

everytime i hear this song i get goosebumps.

everytime i see her beat her chest for emphasis i swear i tear up.

Soulside: Name in Mind and Problems Faced While Travelling

Soulside is an older band that mutated into a number of other bands. 

They were on Dischord Records, a seminal hardcore/punk/emo label still in 

operation. Back before "Emo" was a household word,

back before the phrase "Screamo" had to exist to differentiate the genre, Dischord existed. As did Soulside.

"Name in Mind," the first song on this video, is my favorite song of theirs. The album version is cleaner and slower, but the energy of

a live set is great.

Hot Water Music: Floor

And another HWM live video from wayback.

This track is "Floor," also from Finding the Rhythms.

Hot Water Music: Eating the FIller

Hot Water Music playing "Eating the Filler," from their

first LP "Finding the Rhythms." This is a typical shitty 

live punk rock recording.

The people in attendance look less than enthusiastic, 

a far cry from what the band would enjoy later on.

Thursday: Understanding in a Car Crash

Thursday has always been a fantastic band. The album this comes from, "Full Collapse," is just great all around. 

They have many great albums; their best in my opinion is "Waiting."

Great lyrics, dynamic music, heartfelt vocals. One can't ask for more than that.

The Cure: A Forest

Another great song and video from the Cure.

Enjoy. i do.

LIV

nothing is more powerful than fire

fire to heat food fire to warm the body

fire to warm the earth

the fire goes out and the freezing starts

the frost puts years on me every day

the limbs are stiff like rails and twice as heavy

the blood

flows

slow

the heat is gone and so are you

this light is gone and so are you

around here it thunders when it snows.

LII

run screaming into the woods at night

branches lash across my naked body

penance for foolishness and ignorance

emerge on the other side drenched

stinking of blood and sweat

sinking in the mud i create

diving into the ravine that’s been dry for years

hitting the bottom in a crashing sound

of a bag of bones finally cracking under its own weight

no blood, no sound, no more excuses

no trace of dirt, the plunge is cleansing.

bleached  white spot of earth where nothing will grow

my death that cleansed me is the same

cause of all else. my grave will be

muddy forever. no flowers. no grass.

no life, no getting on with anything.

XXXXIII

so there it goes, and there you go

the universe, in all its color, gone

blinking out in a flash and everything is cold

deep blue- black, smooth as warm water

seeping out of a container, sinking below the surface

the world disappeared that night. 

myself, my pride, my ‘me.’ all went black.

the inkwells filled up to spill this pathetic nonsense.

the windows all remained open as the vacuum sucked

out the air. so no one heard me but me.

in the silence, all i heard was me. the breath, the heartbeat

it took me years to get here. but here is nowhere.

welcome to my nowhere. this is my nothing, now is not.

where i had much i have less than nothing. a negative.

a human debt. a soul- less revolution.

the sound of a universe closing. the shreiking of babies

and kings. the unravelling of every tapestry ever woven.

the shattering ofevery glass pane in church windows. the up- rooting

of every blade of grass. the boiling of every lake.

the me that was has taken a nap and left the me that is

in charge.

XXII

as the body falls from the ledge

the streets approach, again

and the people approach, again.

the shapes become familiar

the recent history and its discomfort

becomes easier to take

the abandonment, the failures

the losses the bad decisions

all disappear in the blur.

the black eyes the restless nights

the coffee burns the head colds

mean less as the pavement  nears.

the problems

disappear

as we

approach

the

moment

of

XXV

how often did you wish for

the inkwells to run dry

to never have to the reasoning

to go for everything on instinct alone?

to fake the warmth

to fuck the mouth

to fail the prophetic words of romance movies

to feel one thing

and call it another

to forget everything because

it was never written down.

my blood runs red black.

everything i was everything i am

everyfailure success reason injury

pain joy and drop of blood

my past is who i am.

XVII

hold me now. hold me down

stop the shaking, stop the shivering.

open up my vein to let

the medicine work.

stand by me stand me up in the

morning.

harm. harming the chances

of ever straightening out.

IX

famous, infamous, dead.

being forgotten is worse than death

never having been

is better than life without memory

alzheimers scares the hell out of me.

our bodies regenerate themselves

every 7 or so years.

so the only me that was 8 years ago

is the memory i have and the

hopes i have.

if i forget me and you forget me

i’ll be nothing.

V

stuck in bed and trapped beneath the sheets i still

haven’t washed since you left. the weight of

the whole night pinning me down.

hard to breathe, hard to see.

waiting for the other hammer to fall. i dearly miss the love i never had.

i never knew how little i had had until it imploded.

the nights are longer, the sun is more blinding.

the air is drier and the people more distant.

i can’t pretend to be happy without it feeling like a wake.

wake.

awake.

away.

too far gone.

everything is grey as ash, heavy as stone.

i couldn’t hold onto you any more than myself.

take me on without taking me down.

II

it took a while, but it finally set in.

only so many cracked ribs, collapsed lungs,

sucking chest wounds; an oil pan full of blood with a fast leak.

now that i am stone i cannot be hurt, only crumbled. take no one

at face value. stalk your predators like they stalk you.

predation.

preparation.

Unnumbered II

red hot, then not at all

we all take the ride on the rollercoaster a time or two

and then we all get off.

the wind in our faces

forgetting somethings for a while

the time to be a child for 2 minutes flat

the last chances, the second chances, the "just one more times"

and the only time to experience the good old days

all at once.

then the cars slow and the wind dies down

the lurch forward brings us back

to what we are and who we aren't.

the great escape is fleeting

the end is now, the first day of the rest of our lives.