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if i sit still long enough

will they mow the grass around me?

maybe we'll have this talk again

i have left home on my own 

but now i'm lonely

i know you'll say you told me so

but that's not helping

so save all your snappy comebacks

and let me just take some time to think

i'll clear out a space on the floor

i'll find something to eat and drink

even if just for the night

can i pretend that nothing changed

i'm only seeking shelter

no pleasantries need be exchanged

i'll tell you in the morning

that you were right as always

or maybe i'll disappear again

and maybe we'll have this talk again

men tall as trees

after the rain

steam like ghosts rises from the pavement

as i drive through them

i feel their stories, i know their lives

men tall as trees used to live here

carving the land, plowing fields from forests.

where have the giants gone?

where are the lives we look up to and try to replicate?

i can only see where i am

and the stock i come from by standing

on the shoulders of these giants.

we live in a small world

connected in too many ways at times

shrinking chances of being alone

save for being alone in a crowd, unnoticed.

in this sea of faces

inches from each other

there is little new to do or find

large numbers of small people

on a small planet shrinking

personal space is inner space

failed attempts at clarity

i tore down my walls

and put up new windows

so that i could see out

but i can't.

now i am exposed

now everyone knows

and i can't see a thing

i can't change anything.

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its almost the same dream over and again.

it's the last day of school and i have to clean out my locker

but i can't seem to find it.

the locker numbers change as i look at them

or the combination never works

or the locker is too full to carry all of it home

if i do get the right locker

and get the combination right

and i can carry all of the stuff with me, 

the yellow busses are pulling out and i miss mine.

this is when i have to take public transportation home

and wind up getting shot.

giving up and going on

so pretty, so alone

growing and changing, no one to notice

follow the eye path, follow the composition lines

down to the roots

made up pretty

right hair, right shoes, right look

went out nightly

empty streets, empty shops, empty town

can't stand to be at home

can't find anything to do outside

can't stand to be alone

can't find anyone to call at night.

predatory dating signs

DB7093 palevioletred

always the last one left on the playground

always the one to see the overhead lights go out.

too late to expect the chaperones to stick around

too many times, too many times.

both forced to grow up too fast

and too scared to grow up at all

walking in one direction facing the opposite

pushing chains, using brakes up hill.

stuck firmly in what was, forgetting how bad it was

looking through rose filters

changing the actual picture, smoothing lines