becoming the bottom of the water

rising waters 

coming over the high hills

how can these rains add up so fast?

flash flood like a slingshot

the water surface raises to the skies.

weighed down at the ankles

and i can't swim

someone turn off the hose

someone turn down the fans

the skies are black and the sound is deafening.

waters are rough and rushing
and i am sinking

i can only panic for so long

before the water enters my lungs

my throat is so hoarse from screaming so hard

my head is so cold from the water in my ears.

left all alone to sink to the bottom of the water

left all alone to sit at the bottom of the water

left all alone to breakdown at the bottom of the water

left all alone to become the bottom of the water.

the failing of the house of my family's name

the storms come in and blacken the skies

lightning strikes and illuminates the night

for a flashing split second, brighter than daylight

the witch's finger pushing me around.

i'm running out of time. no way out this time.

this shrinking heart of mine

tornado.

the failing of the house of my family's name

losing the doors and windows and walls.

i can see the shingles become shrapnel

penetrating buildings in the dark.

the floor is a mess of red

hail.

the yard is a mess of brown.

on angel's wings the reckoning comes

on devil's spears the reckoning stays.

retribution for sin, paying in advance

lightning.

in the path of the railroad of air

snaking across the yard.

whipping me too hard

ripping me apart

running out of space and time

coming down on this core of mine

silence.

freight train.

(implosion)

the names of people i used to kiss

headless angels

armless saints

rundown cemeteries

rundown faiths.

forgotten gravestones of weathered marble

forgotten lives and forgotten contribution.

how long will it take to completely forget someone?

when the ground consumes the coffin and body

when the weather has reclaimed the marble and granite stones

when the family has long since changed it's name.

is it then alright to remove the data on spreadsheets

that someone was there?

15 minutes of fame sound great but it doesn't get remembered.

i'm already

forgetting the names of people i used to kiss.

as the blood pools, the blood pulls

falling, failing, forfeiture.

freedom, farce.

showing one the door and pushing them out

into the cold are two different things.

the snow drifts are drifting up to my neck

as the blood pools, the blood pulls

the arms can't stop the shaking

and the arms are stretched to breaking.

feeling like i'm the only one to be so alone

as i am the only one alone in the streets

is reassuring.

the footsteps echo across the street

their delay betrays the silence.

no signs to point my way, no way to go anyway

with no where in mind i suppose i can't ever be lost.

the weights on my legs are slowing me down.

the weight on my shoulders are weighing my down

the wait i am hurrying up to get to is pointless yet inviting.

i can't drink you off my mind

i can't ask enough people to beat you out of my mind.

on the lonely streets, on the bloody steps

on the piss-soaked walkways i am falling fast into a daze

hurting myself for holding on so hard

to what i could never touch.

so far away, so hard to reach

so cold the night, so slow the time.

i've seen your new wings

full.

full to bursting.

communication complications

what was it that you said about space and time?

you wanted more of both? isn't there enough?

that was then, this is forever.

you promised forever, you promised.

that was then, this is never.

picking up the shed feathers

that landed everywhere in your flight

i've seen your new wings,

large and sepiatoned

they carried you far and fast

this cage is rusted

the one that i call home

my view never changes

with my head caught in the bars

it always wins in the end

i saw the heavy axes breaking the ground

defeating the cold rocks and frost

the soil greedily accepted the boxes without words

still seeming to ask for more

it is hungry, it always wins in the end.

there is nothing unnatural; all death is natural.

inescapable hand of fate typing out obituaries.

every day my feet get heavier

and my blood turns a shade darker

after a long night of running in circles in my sleep

the lead sinks hard to the bottom.

penitence for a life of waiting for the right moment

i failed myself so long ago

and i promised myself "never again"

but here i am

so here i go

getting up off my knees

getting to my own two feet.

planters

ironic how beautiful cemeteries

and crematoriums look.

the parade. the theme park of the dead.

the trees, the landscaping

feeding off of the dead we plant. human plant spikes.

cancer, heart disease, industrial accidents:

the horrible suffering and despair we fight and defend against

yields blossoming trees, chirping birds, swirling fishes;

remind me what we are fighting for?

laying with our heads by the stones

i remember growing up

with the cemetery behind the house

making up stories about how we lived and died

laying with our heads by the stones

pretending we were the ones beneath the grass.

every november the crows would flock

the noise was audible so far away

the awful cawing, the twitching movements

both animal and somehow human

picking at the shiny trinkets

the families left for the dead.

we would escape, run free

trip over head stones and bleed profusely

time was black enough, sunlight was all

blood was proof of freedom gained

under the watchful eyes of angels with broken arms.

mother of the mercies

mother of mercy
hiding in the shadow of your love for the rest of the world
the scraping, the scrapping, the junkyards, the landfill.

reaching out to slapping hands

feeling my way in the dark.

the rose petal skin is fragrant and ever out of reach.

your reach extends far but not deep enough

the well is too deep for the bucket to dip

leading to the open sea

mother of the mercies in which i cannot find solace

the fall of rome, the burning town

the poison in the well, the glass on the ground.

glass filters

sifting through the glass walls

carried by the tide

scratched to the bone

blackened eyes and bleeding ears

communication failure

anvils red hot and still striking hard on the blade

folded and refolded again.

dipped and fired and struck again.

the blade runs deep and finds it's home

the ink runs heavy and dries and crumbles.

sifting through the glass walls

carried by the tide

scratched to the bone

blackened eyes and bleeding ears

Finding Growths on Surfaces of Trees

the growth, the divide

the needles, the hooks.

these winds blow hard and weigh heavy upon the trees

though we feel so little, the wind is fast.

the quickening in my veins, the racing blood

information overload and i fall to submission

holding onto what is not, holding on to what has past.

the dust blows hard through my clothing and dirties everything inside.

cutting deep and darkening the blood.

the bone is breaking, the skin is tearing

the reasons escape me as the eyes slam shut.

the hole in the ground grows and hunts me down.

time is on no one's side.

Plugged into 20 Metal Boxes

they were always so much taller

the men in my dreams

tall shoulders, massive sweating arms

blood on their hands and sneering indignation.

laying on my back

waiting for the pink medicine

waiting for the nurse to come in

waiting for the covers, waiting for the zipper bags.

forced feedings, beeping machines

plugged into 20 metal boxes.

they tell me i'm fine, they comfort me into letting go.

i'm leaving; i'm already gone.

The Clouds Blacken the Sun

everything you have is what i've lost to you

my heat my heart my light my life

is all gone and farther

the sky so dark the sky so deep

to the fences you took me, to the fences you have left me

hell yes i blame you hell yes you are responsible

because you knew what was going on behind my back

you knew what was planned

you knew the plan

you wrote the play.

you.

you did it.

you left it and forgot it when it was done.

throw the key down the hall way

leave the windows open and let the snow drift in

the hair is long, the teeth are longer

this whole town reeks of blood and rust.

Their Shovels are Already Rusting

their shovels are already rusting in the field

the dry ground turned wet from rain

their tracks are long by now as the sounds went silent

the clods fell heavy and the grass won't grow

in 5 minutes the storms will pass

in 5 more minutes the tiny headstone will dissolve to powder.

no one will remember the streaks in the sky

no one will remember the ink i spilled on countless sheets of paper

no one will know.

that's why i still try to write the letters to explain

the words i couldn't slip past my lips

the feelings i couldn't spell out into the air

the photos i couldn't draw or capture in the shutter

there is so much inside that haven't gotten out

there is so much inside that won't get out

i know that this will all get forgotten and erased

but this is how i try

this is how i attempt to defeat the silence of death

The Waterfall is Death

the waterfall is death as birds sing

sweetly to each other

they know all too well and say nothing to anyone

what they have learned

all said, all fine. no things are ever equal.

the birds are as hungry as anything else

and their evenings are planned with little room for change

the spiders, the eggs, the wind in the trees

they are all looking with salivating mouths

waiting for the falls to take another.

they are causing me to think about swimming

they are causing me to think about diving without dying

they make me think i am bulletproof as i disrobe.

the forest goes quiet as the fish are watching

as the waters calm and invite me further

My Opinion's Going to Hurt You but It Still Remains the Same

keep away from here

now that i'm awake and the air is so clear

i stand strong i stand aware

what once was dark and heavy has been shaken off

the mess we left the trouble i made

i can't take back so you won't hear me try

what's done is done and i've spoke my mind

"my opinion's going to hurt you but it still remains the same*"

the car's in motion the seat belts cut out years ago

we can't pretend anymore that safety's an issue

so now i'm moving forward

'cause moving backwards was never an option

so fuck all to what we've done and what we used to say

and fuck all to what we always wanted to do

here is now and tomorrow is always too far away

i am alive i will survive the remorse

i forgot

how to regret

so don't expect me to apologize again

it will rain again it will storm like hell

we'll get snowed in and stuck in the cold

but i'll be damned if i stay in this cell

and be damned if i sit and wait to grow old

i am alive i will survive the remorse

i forgot

how to regret

so don't expect me to apologize again

-* from [D.A.R.Y.L.]'s self-titled release.

check it out 

here

never learned to swim

hold fast the night

the blackness attacks us

and pulls us under the waves

even the water is cold and black as i fail to swim

s

i

n

k

ing to the sandy bottom

the submerged trees

the sunken boats that sail too slowly

the wildlife that doesn't notice

the seaweed that pulls up

metal from hooks and pressure from water

the pull of gravity offers no quarter

none is asked

remember laying in the bed with me?

remember running in circles with me?

remember me? please?

when i am gone no one will notice the difference.

another lover, another worker, another consumer.

the money will still be missing the angles will still be drawn wrong.

pushing pulling taking taking taking taking

covered with a thousand hooks i cannot move save for down

weighted with lead sinkers my head only drops

fears are waiting for me and once again i'm late to an appointment.

the sickening

this is the hole we go through

this is the whole of what we go through

over and again and once more for good measure

outside of measurement the frustration is metered

the discussions the disgusting arguments

the limits of who we are are and what we choose to go through

in the fall out of it all

the flowers grow and we admire them

no time to stop and smell them

the rock cools and the ropes tighten around the neck

i am slipping off the chair in exhaustion my feet turn red

the rope burn is ignored the smell of jute fades

the lights go out when you hit the switch

i can move in one direction: down

this sickening is the quickening

take me seriously take your hands off my throat

i hold a cracking smile as the door closes

in the back of the ambulance

bleeding to death

in the back of the ambulance

angel wings flutter past my face though i can't move

the voices are boiling down and blending

something about blood and brain

something about phone calls and strain

the city did it in the city did it again

noting new to promise and nothing to show

the city is dirt the city is crime

the time is shortened daily but no escape

the ground is cold and holding tight to it

floating and falling, still and warm

just a shell

i am screaming out and waiting for

the chance to scratch my way out of my skin

my teeth are bloody from chewing through my cell

my fingers are worn thin

digging downwards trying to escape

tiny voices

murky and hurried

intentions and interpretation

the universal speed limit

parable

ah time; the space between events,

when i am learning to let go of it all while holding still

pretending to know where i am, where i've been, and why

pretending to know who i am, when i don't

i don't know myself anymore than i know anything else for sure

that's for sure

what i am reinvents itself and isn't what i was. but it's all me.

i shed enough cells every 7 years that every cell is brand new

but this is still me. not who i was, but certainly not what i will be.

if nothing stays the same why do i hold on to what is no longer

why bother to hold onto memories lifetimes ago

why bother to keep anything inside.